Tantric Eye Gazing: A Practice Far More Vulnerable Than Sex

What if deeper intimacy could begin with a single gaze? Eye gazing is a powerful Tantric practice that helps couples and individuals build connection, trust, and presence by simply looking into each other’s eyes. Learn the difference between eye gazing and staring, why it’s so transformative, and how to start your own practice—solo or with a partner.

Eye gazing, one of the three pillars of tantric sex, is a practice that brings awareness to yourself and/or your partner through focused visual connection. The experience can feel like you're tapping into something deeper—more intimate, more innate—that might be described as divine. This is why the practice is sometimes referred to as soul gazing. A natural byproduct of the experience is a deepened connection filled with intimacy, trust, and vulnerability.

Eye gazing is similar to concentration meditation—such as focusing attention on the breath—except in this case, your partner’s eyes become the anchor. As with breath meditation, you allow thoughts and emotions to arise and pass, noticing when your attention drifts and gently returning it to the object of concentration.

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Eye Gazing vs. Staring

Eye gazing is not the same as staring, even though at a quick glance they may appear similar to an outside observer.

When someone stares at you, their eyes are wide in an attempt to take in information about the object they're viewing. They are mentally evaluating—making judgments, categorizations, or assessments to determine whether you are a threat, a friend, a mating prospect, and so on. The stare carries intention, often feels penetrative or forceful, and isn’t always received consensually. In short, it doesn’t feel good to be stared at.

When someone eye gazes with you, their eyes are soft and free of tension, calmly accepting whatever they see in you. They aren’t there to judge, impose, change, or deny your being—only to witness and observe. The gaze carries no agenda, feels gentle and relaxed, and is shared mutually and consensually. In short, it feels amazing.

Why Engage in Eye Gazing

Eye gazing is often touted as a powerful way to build connection and intimacy with your partner. Without a doubt, that’s true—but that connection is more of a byproduct than the original purpose of the practice.

Eye gazing is one of many techniques within the Tantric tradition aimed at helping you become aware of the one consciousness that pervades every aspect of existence—including sex. When you gaze into your partner’s eyes, you might expect to see something about them—something separate from you. But what you often discover is a reflection of yourself. Not the egoic self with labels and identities, but a self closer to pure being—something universal and shared by every other living being. A consciousness that is not unique, but collective. If the spiritual roots of Tantra interest you, check out the article Tantric Breathing for Sex to explore more about its origins.

The experience of Tantric eye gazing isn’t exclusive to any one tradition.  Tantric eye gazing has been shown to create a felt sense of “oneness” between two or more people by dissolving the boundaries between the self and the other. That might sound esoteric, so let’s strip away the spiritual language for a moment. 

When you engage in eye gazing, you’re looking directly into your partner's eyes. You begin to notice subtle details—the micro-movements in their face, the tension in their jaw, the flutter of an eyelid. In your peripheral vision, you’re also taking in a vast amount of information. You may begin to perceive sadness, grief, joy, anger, resentment, bliss—any emotion that makes up the human experience. Of course, you can’t truly know what they’re feeling, but this ambiguity sparks a deep curiosity about them.

Tantric eye gazing doesn’t just foster emotional recognition for the sake of intimacy; biologically, humans actually determine emotional states by analyzing the eyes. Studies show increased activity in the amygdala—the brain region responsible for processing emotions—when we look into someone’s eyes.

At the same time, you’ll become aware that you are being seen. Each passing second increases your sense of exposure and vulnerability. Thoughts begin to flood your mind:

• What can they see?
• Can they tell how insecure I feel?
• Do they see my anger, sadness, shame, or blame?
• Would they like what they saw?

Interestingly, these are the same feelings you just projected onto them. The truth is, your experiences aren’t so different.

As time goes on, you begin to notice that their gaze isn’t there to judge—it’s simply present. Steady. Unwavering. As the two of you continue to gaze, just observing, accepting, and surrendering, trust begins to build.

• What if you allowed more of them in?
• What if you rested in this moment exactly as it is?
• What if you’re both looking for the same thing?

Your nostrils flare as your breath deepens. Both of your pupils dilate, as if you’re simultaneously allowing more of each other in. Your gaze softens. Your peripheral vision fades. The boundary between you blurs. External details—like appearance or personality—begin to fall away.

You wonder: Who are they? Who am I?

You catch a glimpse of a timeless truth.

• Have the eyes become a window—or a mirror?
• Who is being observed, and who is the observer?
• Are they one and the same?

They are you. You are them. Their eyes reflect the whole universe—as do yours.

Rather than fueling intimacy through wild passion, this practice commits you to being still together. Non-reactive. Observant. Present. You’re not averting your gaze, escaping, hiding, or blaming. You are being. And through that stillness, connection is born.

Eye gazing is a profoundly healing practice because it quickly delivers us to the experience of recognizing the other as ourselves. It directly challenges the illusion of separation and offers us a repeated taste of our fundamental unity.

How Does This Improve Your Relationship and Sex Life?

The benefits of this simple act of gazing into someone’s eyes for an extended period of time are immense.

Benefits of Eye Gazing:

• Because the eyes are the most expressive facial feature, they allow for deeper insight into your partner’s desires and emotions.
• As the one being viewed, you may feel deeply seen, felt, and known—a fundamental human desire we all share.
• When you begin to notice shared emotional experiences—and aren’t shamed or guilted for them—a sense of self-acceptance begins to emerge.
• Eye contact is strongly associated with trust. Avoiding eye contact, conversely, is often linked with deception. So, by simply maintaining eye contact, trust is both built and sustained.
• Regression analysis reveals a correlation between sexual mindfulness and sexual satisfaction. That same sexual satisfaction is inversely correlated with orgasm-focused sex. In other words, partners who are more spiritually connected during sex feel less pressure to climax, allowing intimacy to shift from goal-oriented to experience-oriented.

Quite a lot for such a simple exercise: just gazing into another person’s eyes for an extended period of time.

How to Engage in Tantric Eye Gazing

The first time you try eye gazing, it’s likely to feel uncomfortable or even invasive. In daily life, we tend to avoid prolonged eye contact—yet we deeply crave the connection it creates. When you begin this practice, you may feel uneasy, tense, or even confronted by difficult emotions. That’s okay. The key is to welcome everything that arises with compassion.

Start small. Begin with just a minute or two and gradually work your way up to longer sessions—anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes. While the actual practice might not take long, give yourself time to prepare beforehand and space afterward to integrate whatever surfaced during the experience.

How to Eye Gaze with a Partner

• Create a distraction-free space. Turn off or set aside your phones. Prepare the environment with soft lighting, perhaps by lighting a candle or dimming the room.
• Sit comfortably facing each other. You can sit cross-legged on the floor, in chairs, or on the bed—whatever feels most comfortable while allowing you to stay upright. This practice is meant to feel good, so let your body relax into the posture.
• Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Begin by noticing your own thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. Accept whatever is present in your awareness, and gently bring your attention back to the breath.
• Signal to your partner when you're ready. This can be done silently with eye contact or energetically through touch—perhaps by holding hands or resting a hand on their leg.
• Slowly open your eyes. Let your gaze meet theirs. Take a few deep, conscious breaths together as you connect.
• Choose one eye to focus on. Pick either the left or right eye—traditionally, the left eye is used—and maintain your focus there rather than switching back and forth.
• Notice what arises. Thoughts and emotions will come and go. Let them pass, and gently return your attention to the gaze.
• Keep your gaze still. The stillness of the gaze mirrors the stillness of mind you’re cultivating. As your inner chatter quiets, your identification with thoughts and ego begins to soften. You start to inhabit the role of a centered witness.
• Don’t take your partner’s reactions personally. If they blink often, look away, or close their eyes, remember: it can be incredibly vulnerable to be seen. Welcome them back without judgment, and don’t push for more than they’re ready for.
• Accept everything as it is. Allow your experience, and your partner’s, to unfold naturally. Whatever comes up is welcome.
• Try harmonizing your breath. If it feels organic, you may find yourselves breathing in sync. This doesn’t need to be forced or even acknowledged.
• See beyond the personality. Try to look past your partner’s body or identity. Instead, see the essential being in them—the same being that exists in you. Let yourself relax into a shared experience of breathing, being, and presence, without any goal.

Bonus: Try it during intercourse. Eye gazing can be practiced during penetration, whether you’re thrusting or simply remaining still. Both bring different feelings to the surface—and that’s okay too. Acknowledge each feeling as it arises. With practice, the discomfort will dissolve, and intimacy will deepen.

How to Eye Gaze on Your Own

Eye gazing isn’t only beneficial in partnership—it’s a potent solo practice that helps you connect with your own inner landscape. It allows you to become more aware of your emotions, your body, and your state of mind.

• Create a quiet, soothing space. Remove distractions and turn off your phone. You might dim the lights or light a candle to create a calming atmosphere.
• Sit comfortably in front of a mirror. Choose a position that feels good in your body while still allowing you to sit upright.
• Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Begin by checking in with yourself. What sensations, thoughts, or emotions are present? Continue breathing and gently return your focus to your breath if your mind wanders.
• When you’re ready, open your eyes and gaze into your reflection. Look into your own eyes, as you would with a partner.
• Notice what comes up. Allow any thoughts or emotions to arise. Meet them with compassion, and gently return your focus to your gaze.
• Let yourself be exactly as you are. Whatever shows up—grief, tenderness, discomfort, resistance—it’s all welcome.
• Try to see past your self-perception. Beneath the story of who you think you are lies your essential nature. Let that come into focus.

This may be a deeply confronting practice, especially if you're prone to self-critical or derogatory thoughts. If so, you might find it helpful—and challenging—to say affirmations aloud while gazing into your eyes in the mirror. Phrases like:

• “I love you.”
• “I accept you.”
• “I care for you.”

These words may feel foreign at first. Over time, they may start to feel like home.

Allow Yourself to See and Be Seen

Tantric eye gazing offers a doorway into connection—not only with your partner, but with yourself and the deeper, shared consciousness that flows between all beings. It’s not about performance or perfection. It’s about presence. A willingness to see and be seen. To drop the masks and rest, just for a moment, in the truth of what is.

With time and practice, what begins as a simple gaze can soften defenses, dissolve illusions of separation, and open you to profound intimacy—emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. Eye gazing invites you to slow down and remember that love is not something you do, but something you recognize in each other when you allow yourself to truly look.

If this practice moved something in you, don’t stop here. Tantric eye gazing is one pillar of a much larger foundation. You can deepen your practice further by exploring Tantric Breathing for Sex and Tantric Touch for Sex—two powerful guides that, when woven together with eye gazing, create a full-body experience of sacred erotic connection.