Types of Doms: Which One Are You Meant to Be?

Curious about which Dom you are—or could become? Explore the different types of Doms in BDSM, from classic Masters to sensual Pleasure Doms, and learn how to find or craft a persona that fits your true desires.

BDSM is such an expansive world that it can sometimes feel dizzying just how many options there are for describing yourself as a Dom—each with their own unique characteristics and preferences. What can be even more frustrating is when no single type of Dom fully resonates with you, and it’s hard to make them all fit together.

This article will walk you through several common types of Doms and then help you create your own—one that’s unique to your desires, personality, and all the kinky things you want to do.

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What Is a Dom?

A Dom (or Dominant) is the person who assumes the role of authority, control, and power over the submissive. In my experience, being a Dom is about leadership. That leadership requires understanding the goals and desires of each person involved and creating a clear vision for how to achieve those goals.

A Dom is in service to the dynamic—the mutual vision for the relationship. These goals might range from something as simple as both partners reaching the heights of ecstasy, to something as complex as guiding both of your lives.

To pursue that, the Dom is responsible for creating structure, providing safety, building trust, allowing for play and pleasure, and caring for the submissive.

A Top vs. a Dom

A Top is someone who has the skills to perform specific acts on another person. A Dominant is the why—the intention, the juice—behind those acts. Of course, if you’re going to engage in BDSM, it’s important to be a skilled Top in addition to being a Dom.

A good Top has a solid understanding of BDSM principles, techniques, and safety practices. They continually seek to educate themselves about various aspects of BDSM to ensure safe and enjoyable experiences for both partners.

In some circles, a Top is not considered part of the “Dominant” archetypes, as they may deliver kinky actions like a Dom would within a scene, but aren’t necessarily fulfilling the broader role of the Dominant, which involves power exchange.

Being a Top is a great place to start when honing your skills and learning how to gain control, harness power, and manage a D/s dynamic.

If this resonates with you, don’t worry—there’s no shame in being a good Top. In fact, I’ve seen some incredible Tops who are far more skilled in particular kinks than I am. But know that this is just the starting point for the type of Dom you could become.

Dominant Archetypes

Before I list some of the common types of Doms, I want to bring your attention to the concept of archetypes. Understanding archetypes will help you do the important work of creating your own Dominant persona—one that’s unique to you, rather than being a run-of-the-mill Dom.

The concept of archetypes is most associated with the psychological theories of Carl Jung, who described them as universal, inherited patterns of thought or imagery present in the collective unconscious of all humans. Archetypes represent fundamental, symbolic figures that influence human behavior, personality, and storytelling.

In the world of BDSM, we often see recognizable patterns in the kinks people are drawn to, and in how those desires express themselves through behavior and personality. As a result, certain common types of Doms have emerged—each attracting people who tend to behave or identify in similar ways.

Common Types of Doms

The acronym BDSM—standing for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism—illuminates several classic archetypes of Dominants.

These include:

• Rigger: Enjoys rope bondage or other forms of restraint, either for the visual appeal of seeing the submissive tied up and at their mercy, or for the artistry, such as in shibari. Riggers pair with rope bunnies—those who enjoy being tied up.
• Disciplinarian: Enjoys rules and punishments (which can be physical, like spanking, or psychological) to control or modify behavior within a BDSM context. Disciplinarians often pair with brats, spankees, or submissives who crave structure and stern handling.
• Daddy Dom: Exhibits caregiving tendencies and enjoys the more tender, nurturing aspects of guiding and mentoring their sub. They patiently nurture, discipline, and help their submissive develop compliant, fruitful behavior in the relationship. Daddy Doms typically pair with littles, middles, babygirls, or any submissive who desires a caring mentor. (It’s important to clarify that this dynamic has nothing to do with pedophilia, which involves attraction to minors.)
• Master: Enjoys 24/7 control of their submissive, often treating them as property. Masters may engage in slave training, where the submissive learns specific roles and duties. Masters pair with slaves.
• Owner: Refers to someone who claims ownership over a submissive—often one who acts like a pet, such as a kitten or puppy.
• Sadist: Enjoys inflicting pain on their submissive, who may be referred to as a masochist or pain slut. This pain can be physical (impact play, needle play) or emotional (humiliation).
• Fin Dom: Controls a submissive’s finances, often requiring them to follow rules or commands in order to maintain control over their money.‍
• Pleasure Dom: Focuses on taking complete control of the submissive’s pleasure, dictating when, where, and how it happens.
• Primal Predator: Thrives on the thrill of the hunt—“taking down” their submissive like prey—or surrendering to animalistic instincts during sex. They let go of rational thought and embrace raw, instinctual dominance.
• Degrader: Finds pleasure in emotionally belittling their submissive through humiliation, degradation, objectification, and acts that make them feel less than human.
• Brat Tamer: Similar to a Disciplinarian, the Brat Tamer uses a variety of tools to discipline, educate, and redirect a brat’s misbehavior. Brats often act out to seek attention, and the Brat Tamer's role is to uncover and address the deeper need behind the behavior.

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These archetypes are just starting points. The landscape of BDSM and kink is vast and endlessly customizable. You can mix and match elements of these roles to begin crafting your own unique Dominant style—which I highly recommend if you want to truly stand out to potential submissives.

I also recommend trying them all out. You may have locked-away kinky desires you never knew existed until you begin exploring. For example, I promise you: the first time you see a woman orgasm from taking a hard spanking, it may forever change how you think about pain—and being a Sadist.

A Note About “Fake Doms”

As you explore the different types of Doms you could become, you may come across the term “Fake Dom.” This label exists for a reason: one of the biggest concerns for submissives is submitting to the right Dom—and avoiding predators pretending to be one.

Typically, so-called “Fake Doms” fall into one of two categories:

1. They are inexperienced.
2. They are manipulative.

The first group isn’t necessarily “fake.” They just need to level up in their role as a Dom. That’s no big deal—and honestly, kudos to you for reading this article and doing the work.

The second group, however, is far more dangerous. These individuals seek to use a submissive’s desire to submit as a way to fulfill their own needs—without regard for the submissive’s wellbeing, consent, or safety. These people are not true Doms.

It’s not uncommon for me to hear from women who’ve had bad experiences with Fake Doms—guys who, in one way or another, were solely focused on their own pleasure, completely neglecting the submissive partner who was supposed to be their responsibility.

How to Create Your Own Dominant Persona

I want you to temporarily forget everything you’ve learned or seen about what a Dom is supposed to be (well—except for everything in this article!). Just because you’ve seen Fifty Shades of Grey doesn’t mean all Doms look and act like Christian Grey. You might also think being dominant is all about pain and sadism, but in reality, many Doms don’t enjoy delivering pain at all.

If you try to act like the Dom you’ve seen in porn, it will come across as incongruent—because it’s not stemming from your true desires.

While archetypes are a helpful starting point to give you direction in BDSM, they can also become overgeneralized and severely limiting when it comes to expressing the full complexity of your personality and sexuality. Most people will find they identify with more than one archetype—and some won’t fit into any of them at all.

That’s when it becomes far more powerful to start crafting your own persona: one built on the archetypes as inspiration or foundation, but infused with what is uniquely you.

A persona is a kind of social mask—made up of the parts of ourselves we choose to show the world in order to gain acceptance, validation, or status. We consciously craft this persona as a way to relate to others, embodying a specific role that serves as a compromise between our internal, authentic self and the demands of external society.

In BDSM, we intentionally step into a chosen role. We amplify certain aspects of our personality while temporarily suppressing others in order to play with a partner.

For example, you may not be a sadist in your everyday life—but you might embellish that part of yourself during play, consciously crafting a Sadist Dom persona in order to engage a partner who leans more masochist. That’s a fairly simple persona. But you’re also allowed—and encouraged—to go far more complex.

You might be, say, an emotional sadist who enjoys interrogating submissives while they’re tied up. That’s a unique and layered persona—rooted in both play and personal truth.

When most people first think about personas, they jump immediately to how the persona looks—the outward image. That’s the easiest part to visualize and conceptualize.

But here’s the problem: if you start by chasing a look, you’ll likely just copy someone else’s style without understanding the why behind it. This can lead you to adopt motivations or intentions that don’t truly resonate with you. As a result, the role feels off. It’s incongruent. It’s inauthentic.

Instead, it’s far better to start with your internal landscape—your personality, emotional wiring, and deepest desires—and then work your way outward. Ask yourself:

• What’s behind the persona?
• Why is this specific persona being crafted?
• What aspects of myself am I choosing to amplify, and why?

Only then should you shape the image, the aesthetic, and the style that expresses it on the outside.

Step 1: Understand Yourself

The first step to creating a persona is to better understand yourself and ask the perennial question: What do you want?

Everything else will stem from answering that question. For example, if you deeply enjoy seeing rope wrapped around her supple skin, then crafting a persona as a Rigger is probably the path you’ll take.

There are three areas I recommend considering in this step: desires, personality, and values.

Understanding Your Desires

Exploring the erotic mind—that is, the thoughts, memories, fantasies, activities, etc., that turn you on—is a key component in uncovering your core desires and creating the most satisfying sex, tailored to your unique fantasies.

To begin understanding your erotic mind, I suggest starting an erotic journal—a place where you can thoughtfully explore personal desires, fantasies, and arousal patterns. The act of journaling is therapeutic in itself, providing a safe space to explore your inner desires without judgment or inhibition.

Starting with an erotic journal allows for the purest expression of what turns you on, free from outside influences telling you how you should be turned on.

In this journal, create four columns: Turn-Ons, Feelings, Activity Triggers, and Partner Triggers.

We’ll begin with your Turn-Ons. In this column, write down:

• Fantasies
• Favorite sexual experiences
• Thoughts or mental images that really turn you on
• Types of porn or erotica you enjoy
  

By writing these out, you’ll start identifying recurring themes and patterns that resonate deeply with you.

As you do this, try to avoid questioning where these desires came from. Just because you have a particular desire doesn’t mean you ever have to act on it. This process is about understanding your erotic triggers so you can incorporate them into your sex life in a safe and fulfilling way.

Now, take one fantasy, sexual experience, thought, or favorite piece of porn/erotica and examine it in closer detail. Visualize it as vividly as possible. Through this visualization, explore the emotional and sensory details that make it arousing. From there, identify how this erotic image makes you feel—or what emotions it evokes.

For example, the feelings and emotions I most often experience in my eroticism include:

• Naughty
• Desired
• Appreciated
• Primal
• Respected
• Worshipped

Why do we care about emotions? Because some fantasies may be difficult—or even impossible—to fulfill in real life. Some may be too dark or unsafe to act on, and that’s perfectly okay.

However, if you understand the emotion behind a fantasy, you may be able to replicate that feeling through different, safer acts. For instance, if you have a capture-and-takedown CNC (consensual non-consent) fantasy, you might evoke the same emotional intensity through light bondage and heavy dirty talk—without needing to go full CNC. Unless, of course, you want to.

Next, identify what exactly in the erotic image triggers the emotion you feel. Look for the elements that make it exciting: the environment, your partner’s attributes, what acts are happening, the language being used, and so on.

Now, think about other activities or partner qualities that might trigger that same emotion—even if they weren’t part of the original fantasy. Write those in the Activity Triggers or Partner Triggers columns. Continue this process with the other items you listed under Turn-Ons.

When I first did this exercise, I started noticing patterns that aligned with archetypes like Daddy Dom, Primal, and Pleasure Dom—but I also found subtle traits connected to other archetypes. You’re likely to discover something similar.

Understanding Your Personality

Knowing your personality can also illuminate the types of Dom you might enjoy being—or not.

For example, if you’re someone who’s high in agreeableness and dislikes confrontation, being a Brat Tamer might not be your style.

To explore personality, I recommend using the OCEAN (Big Five) traits model, which is reliable and well-studied. These traits include:

• Openness – Affects how willing you are to explore different partners, kinks, or protocols.
• Conscientiousness – Influences your ability to lead, create structure, and take responsibility for the relationship dynamic.
• Extraversion – Impacts how and when you like to interact with your submissive (e.g., only in private vs. at play parties or in group settings).
• Agreeableness – Affects how much pushback you welcome from your submissive and the style of submission you prefer (obedience vs. confrontation).
• Neuroticism – May determine how much direct control you want over your submissive’s actions versus empowering them to act on their own judgment.

Additionally, if you're neurodivergent in any way, your style of dominance may look different. For example, the lack of structure in Primal Play might be terrifying—or deeply liberating—depending on how much predictability you need.

Also consider other aspects of your personality that you’d like to emphasize in your Dominance.

In my case, my Dominance carries flavors of kindness and compassion, but also stern expectation. I’m inviting rather than forceful. Focused on pleasure rather than pain. I’m often grounded, calm, and collected—but can also be assertive and commanding in the right moment.

Think about the adjectives that best describe the personality you want to bring into your Dominant persona.

Understanding Your Values

It’s equally important to understand your values, because they’ll influence which behaviors you’re willing to engage in—and which ones you’re not.

For example, while I enjoy degradation play, I hold a strong value around building people up and helping them flourish. Because of that, I could never make Degrader a prominent part of my persona. I also maintain a clear boundary: I won’t engage in degradation with someone who’s using it to reinforce negative self-perceptions. But there are still meaningful ways I do engage with it—intentionally, and within my values.

Another example: I have some Master-like tendencies, but I don’t want total control over my submissive. It’s important to me that they retain agency and choice in their life. I want ongoing dialogue and mutual goals—not blind obedience to my will.

That’s why I don’t see myself fully embracing the Master archetype.

Step 2: Decide What You Do

Here, we’re talking about the actions you take as a Dom. Think of this in terms of the sexual acts you want to engage in, your behavior or how you deliver those acts, and the tools or toys you might use.

Choosing Activities

You started this process in Step 1, but now let’s dig deeper into the types of kinky activities you may want to explore as a Dom.

One especially useful tool for this process is a sex menu—a communication aid that includes an extensive list of sexual and BDSM activities, allowing you to rate each one based on your level of interest or comfort. It helps you express your desires, turn-ons, and limits more clearly to your partner.

Next to each act on the menu, you can use categories like:

• Hard Limit
• Soft Limit
• Try It
• Occasionally
• Indifferent
• Love It
• Need It

Here’s a free sex menu created in Google Sheets that includes over 350 kinky sex acts for you to choose from. Curating groups of activities that genuinely excite you will help develop a thematic throughline for your Dom persona—whether that’s a Primal Dom, a Pleasure Dom, or a Dom who integrates Tantra.

Choosing the Energy in Your Behavior

Every kinky act can be delivered in a multitude of ways, each evoking different feelings in your submissive.

Take spanking, for example. A Dom might deliver it with three very different energies:

• Sternly: A serious, disciplinarian-type Dom might give a harsh swat on the ass with the intention of inflicting pain as punishment for a transgression.
• Lovingly: A compassionate Dom might deliver a succession of stinging but pleasurable spankings to soothe his submissive’s neurotic mind and prepare her for deeper pleasure.
• Playfully: A jovial Dom might give his submissive a quick smack on the ass to catch her off guard and heighten the moment, reminding her of the dynamic.

Of course, all of these could come from the same person, depending on the scene’s intention. Think back to your personality and what feels most authentic to you.

How would you like to show up in a scene? The energy behind your behavior will come through in everything—from your commands to your thrusts.

Choosing Your Tools & Toys

Every Dom worth his name has a toolkit—like any skilled craftsman. These tools (or toys, depending on your preference) become an integral part of the play you share with your submissive.

Novice Doms often fall into the trap of becoming a “Gadget Dom,” believing that the power of the play lies in the gear—vibrators, ropes, paddles. But the tools are meant to enhance the scene, not create it.

My recommendation? Focus on what excites you as a Dom and build your skills around that. There are shibari masters who have no interest in spanking, and spankers who couldn’t care less about the intricacies of ropework. Trying to master everything just to please a wider range of subs is a mistake. You risk becoming a “Vending Machine Dom”—a service provider, not a true Dominant.

Once you understand what turns you on and the kind of play you want to offer, you can start building your toolkit around that.

For example, if you're interested in restraint but don’t want to dive into the knot-tying, safety, and maintenance of rope, then leather cuffs, bondage tape, or other light bondage options could be your go-to.

Or maybe you’re excited by orgasm control and edging. In that case, a magic wand might serve you better than a dildo that requires more physical effort.

Figure out what you want from the experience—and what you want to give your partners. Then build your toolkit around those desires.

Step 3: Craft How You Look

Now that you understand your internal landscape and know what you want to do as a Dom, it’s time to think about how to communicate that to others. Your image should be an expression of that internal world—a signal to others of something they can’t yet see. Dressing in a tailored suit versus full leather communicates something specific about you and your style of Dominance.

The way you look will always send a message—even if you don’t intend it to. So, it’s far better to influence what’s being communicated than to leave it up to chance.

Craft Your Wardrobe

When considering your wardrobe for scenes, play parties, munches, and other BDSM-related events, know that while fashion varies within the community, there are definite staples: all-black everything (often featuring leather), tailored suits, or uniforms.

But what I’d invite you to do is think about what feels most fitting for you. For example, I know most people wear all black, so many of my outfits in the scene are all red. I also like to incorporate Tantra into my Dominance, so some of my looks are all white, and I’ll wear my hair down in dreads. I often wear a suit to events, but I won’t wear a shirt underneath my vest. It’s sophisticated but rebellious—much like my personality.

So, take the classics and make them your own.

Craft Your Environment

The space in which you have a scene can also enhance—or detract from—your persona. Not all of us have access to a personal dungeon, but we can all curate our bedrooms to support the vibe we’re going for.

A hardcore industrial look with chains hanging from the ceiling is going to feel like you’re entering a torture chamber, while earthy tones, incense, plants, and cozy bedding will feel more like a sexual sanctuary. Neither is wrong—just make sure the space is congruent with the rest of your persona.

A little attention to detail can go a long way.

Make It Yours

The most important thing when deciding what kind of Dom you want to be is to avoid letting labels and kink jargon paint you into a box that limits your full expression. You are far more nuanced than any single term—and your Dominant persona should reflect that complexity.

You’re also going to evolve. Who you are today may not be who you are a year from now, and that’s not just okay—it’s expected. Growth is part of the journey. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Try things on. Drop what doesn’t fit. Refine what does. The more aligned your persona is with your authentic self, the more powerful and magnetic your presence will become—both in and out of the scene.

To quote one of my favorite lines of all time:

“Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. Add what is essentially your own.”
—Bruce Lee

That’s the heart of erotic leadership. Make it yours.