The Best BDSM Toys for Beginners (That You’ll Actually Use)

What are the best BDSM toys for beginners—and how do you choose ones that actually enhance your dominance instead of holding you back? Discover a smarter, more versatile beginner’s kit designed to explore power, sensation, and control without wasting money on underwhelming gear.

Key Takeaways

• Choose beginner BDSM toys that are versatile, easy to use, and allow you to explore multiple types of play without advanced skills.
• Skip generic kits—build your own setup with higher-quality tools like bondage tape, blindfolds, and beginner-friendly impact toys.
• Vibrators (magic wands and Bluetooth options) expand pleasure, control, and psychological dynamics far beyond basic stimulation.
• Start small and intentional—especially with things like anal play—using body-safe, progressive tools like silicone training kits.
• Toys enhance the experience, but your skill, intention, and connection are what truly create powerful dynamics.

When you first start diving into the BDSM world, the first thing that comes to mind is all the new toys—chains, whips, floggers, oh my!

You can quickly find yourself spending hundreds or even thousands of dollars collecting toys. Most people, especially when they’re not yet sure what they like, start with a beginner BDSM kit.

While those kits can sometimes be helpful, after spending a bit of time exploring your desires, you’ll likely realize they’re pretty underwhelming. They all tend to feature the same basic set of items—typically a pair of cuffs, a blindfold, and maybe a small flogger, paddle, or tickler.

So today, we’re going to build a better beginner’s kit—one that helps you dip your toe into various types of play without needing a warehouse full of toys.

Why Use BDSM or Sex Toys

For some people, this is obvious. Toys introduce novelty and allow you to create sensations that you simply can’t produce with your own body.

However, for others, the idea of bringing a toy into the bedroom can feel intimidating—either because they’re unsure how it will feel or because they perceive it as competition.

The first group is often submissives. This anxiety can usually be eased by letting them experience the toy on themselves first and allowing them to move at their own pace. It also helps to start small or gentle and gradually work your way up to more intense sensations.

The latter group is often Dominants—specifically men (sorry guys, but we both know it’s true). Some men tie their sense of worth to being the sole source of their partner’s orgasm, which can make toys feel threatening. But that’s short-sighted thinking.

Arousal happens in their mind. They are the ones creating the orgasm—you’re simply facilitating it. And as the facilitator, your role is to increase the likelihood of that happening by doing or using whatever feels best for them.

If the goal is pleasure, wouldn’t you want to use what’s most effective?

Toys make that far easier.

Yes, I recommend getting good with your mouth, fingers, and dick. But toys can help you tap into something your body alone can’t fully access: her mind. Those locked-away fantasies will often make her come harder than anything you can do on your own.

Don’t think of toys as competition. Think of them as extensions of your dominance.

A riding crop isn’t just an impact toy—it’s a symbol of your discipline. A vibrator isn’t just a pleasure device—it’s a tool for turning her into a desperate, feral, blissed out, unthinking puddle of overstimulated nerve endings, begging you for release.

9 BDSM Toys for Beginners

To be included in this “beginner’s kit,” a toy should be versatile across multiple types of play and easy to use for someone with a beginner skill level. I’ll also include recommendations for each based on what I’ve personally used.

Disclaimer: This article includes affiliate links. If you click through and make a purchase, I’ll receive a small commission.

Bondage Tape

Being tied up is one of the most sought-after erotic experiences in BDSM. However, learning rope can have a high barrier to entry for beginners due to the technical skill required for knots and the associated safety risks.

For this reason, many beginner kits include leather cuff sets—most often wrist cuffs, sometimes with ankle cuffs and hogtie clips. While I love leather cuff sets and use them frequently, I don’t think they’re the best entry point for bondage.

Finding a set that fits properly—snug without being too tight or restrictive—and remains comfortable over longer periods can be difficult. It’s also better to invest in higher-quality cuffs than what’s typically included in beginner kits. Additionally, the positions you can put your partner in are more limited compared to other options, which is why rope is often appealing due to its flexibility.

A much better option for beginner bondage is bondage tape. This is a special type of tape, usually made of PVC, that sticks only to itself and does not adhere to skin, hair, or other surfaces.

The benefits of bondage tape include:

• You can quickly bind someone in multiple positions with minimal effort
• It’s easy to cut if you need to release someone quickly
• The wider surface area can help reduce the risk of nerve damage
• It can be used anywhere on the body
• It’s inexpensive (and reusable if you remove it carefully)

Bondage tape can also be used as a blindfold, gag, or as an entry point into more advanced forms of bondage like mummification or predicament bondage if you choose to explore further.

It’s always my go-to when I want to create positions similar to rope bondage without taking the time to actually use rope.

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Blindfold (Bandana)

Next up is the blindfold. There’s a reason it appears in nearly every beginner BDSM kit—it’s one of the easiest ways to intensify an experience through sensory deprivation.

Humans are highly visual creatures, so removing sight can significantly enhance the remaining senses.

The benefits of eliminating sight include:

• Intensified sensations of touch and hearing
• Increased anticipation, as the blindfolded partner imagines what will happen next
• Allowing the Dom to move freely without being seen, which can ease performance anxiety
• Helping the submissive focus on internal sensations rather than external distractions

That said, the blindfolds included in beginner kits can be hit or miss. If this becomes something you and your partner enjoy, you’ll eventually want to upgrade to one with padding or cupping around the eyes for greater comfort.

To start, though, I recommend using a bandana. Like bondage tape, it’s quick and easy to use and something you can easily carry with you.

A bandana also offers versatility—it can double as a restraint for wrists or ankles, or be used as a gag or mask.

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Riding Crop

From bondage, let’s move into the world of discipline. In BDSM, discipline refers to any activity where one person trains another to act or behave in a specified way—often by establishing a clear code of conduct and using rewards or punishment to encourage adherence.

While much of discipline comes from communication—setting rules and directing your submissive—it can be greatly enhanced with tools that allow for immediate, physical reinforcement.

Enter the riding crop.

As an impact tool, it’s straightforward to use and relatively forgiving. It delivers a light, sharp smack—enough to bring a submissive’s attention back to the task at hand. It can be used to reinforce positions, guide behavior, or as part of a spanking session.

What makes it more versatile is its design. The obvious use is striking with the small leather tip. However, if you choose a sturdy crop, you can also experiment with using the shaft like a cane, giving you a chance to explore a type of impact play not typically included in beginner kits.

Beyond impact, the riding crop becomes an extension of your hand—you can use it to point, lift a chin, or guide the opening of legs, reinforcing control in a more subtle, psychological way.

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Leather Paddle

Staying in the realm of impact, let’s talk about the leather paddle. This is one item often included in beginner kits—and for good reason.

Like bondage, spanking is one of the most widely shared erotic and kinky activities.

If you’ve ever done a longer spanking session, you know your hand can get tired quickly. I’ll admit, I’ve strained my fingers more than once after going for 30 minutes or more. When you think about it, the force you’re delivering to your partner is also being absorbed by your own hand.

A leather paddle helps solve that problem.

In terms of sensation, it typically delivers more impact than your hand but less than a solid wood paddle. It also has some flexibility, making it more forgiving than harder implements. One of its advantages is the ability to produce a loud, satisfying sound without requiring excessive force—enhancing both the physical and psychological experience.

While not the most versatile tool on this list, a good paddle is incredibly useful when incorporating structured discipline or corporal punishment into your dynamic.

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Suede Flogger

Continuing with impact and the S&M side of BDSM, let’s talk about floggers.

Some beginner kits include either a leather flogger for heavier sensation or a fluffy tickler for something lighter. Floggers, in general, can be a great way to start experimenting with impact play because they can distribute force more broadly across the body, reducing some risks when used properly.

That said, not all floggers are created equal.

Many beginner kits include leather floggers with heavier falls, which can create a deeper, more intense thud—and potentially more pain than expected.

For beginners—whether you’re the one using it or receiving it—I recommend starting with a suede flogger.

Suede falls are softer and more forgiving, making them less likely to bruise. This also allows the flogger to double as a softer sensation tool—you can run it lightly across the body for a teasing, sensual effect.

But don’t mistake softness for weakness. With proper technique and momentum, a suede flogger can still deliver a powerful, thuddy impact, giving you a wide range of sensations to explore.

The one I personally use features a rounded loop-fall design, which creates a broader, softer contact surface. This results in a deeper, warming thud with a more enveloping feel compared to sharper, flat-edged designs—making it especially beginner-friendly while still satisfying for more experienced play.

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Magic Wand Vibrator

Shifting from one type of sensation to another, let’s talk about a must-have pleasure device for your toy bag: the magic wand.

Seriously—what Pleasure Dom doesn’t own one? You know the one: a large, powerful vibrator you can place directly against her vulva with minimal effort and send waves of intense pleasure through her body.

At first, you might not think a vibrator is particularly versatile—especially in a BDSM context—but that’s usually just a lack of imagination. Here are some of my favorite ways to use it:

• Using bondage tape to secure it to her thigh while I focus on something else—face-fucking her, flogging, tying additional restraints, or simply taking a breather
• Incorporating it into orgasm control, edging, or overstimulation, where pleasure can quickly tip into discomfort and overwhelm the senses
• Pairing it with pain, like clothespins on her nipples, to create a layered pain-and-pleasure experience
• Using it for degradation play—having her sit on the floor or against my foot while she humps it like a needy little thing
• Using it when I’m tired or don’t feel like using my body to pleasure her
• Bringing it into a threesome so partners can use it on each other
• Holding it against her clit while I penetrate her

While a cordless version offers more mobility, I personally prefer a corded one. It ensures consistent power—because nothing kills the mood faster than dead batteries.

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Bluetooth Vibrator

If we’re talking about vibrators, we also have to include a Bluetooth vibrator.

These are some of my favorites because of how much they expand your range of control.

In my opinion, their best use is in public play. Handing control over to the Dominant can serve as a constant reminder—at any moment—that they control your pleasure, anywhere, anytime.

Whether you’re sitting next to each other at a movie, making eye contact across a bar, or one of you is at home while the other is out running errands, an ordinary moment can quickly turn into something charged—where she’s struggling to maintain composure as waves of pleasure build.

The key is finding one that:

• Has reliable connectivity so it can be controlled from a distance
• Is comfortable to wear for extended periods
• Offers multiple intensity levels, allowing for control without immediately overwhelming or creating too much noise

I’ve owned several over the years, but my favorite so far has been the Lovense Lush—particularly because of its app, which allows for smooth, responsive control both near and far. This is especially useful for dynamics where the Dom and sub don’t live together or spend time apart.

Public play isn’t the only way to use these, though. I also like incorporating them into:

• Pleasuring her while she gives me a blowjob, or as part of triple penetration play with plugs or gags
• Mental forms of predicament bondage—telling her that if she squirms too much or orgasms before permission, she’ll be punished
• Wearing it during penetration (depending on the design), adding stimulation for both of us
• Creating rules or rewards in long-distance dynamics

While Bluetooth vibrators tend to be more expensive for a beginner’s kit, they’re well worth the investment if you want to start exploring control beyond the bedroom.

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Silicone Training Butt Plugs

If we’re plugging one hole, why not the other?

If one—or both—of you are interested in anal stimulation or eventually exploring anal sex, butt plugs are a fantastic entry point.

These aren’t typically included in beginner kits, and if they are, it’s usually just a single size. That’s not very beginner-friendly. If it’s too large, it can feel intimidating and turn someone off from trying altogether.

Instead, I recommend getting a silicone training kit. Silicone is body-safe and easy to clean. Look for a set that includes multiple sizes, flared bases for safety, and a longer, more tapered shape rather than something overly bulbous. This allows you to start small, ease into the sensations, and gradually work your way up as comfort increases.

Anal training opens up an entirely new dimension of play—from free use to public play to double or triple penetration experiences.

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Collar and Leash

This is another item that may or may not be included in beginner kits, but it’s undoubtedly a powerful addition.

On the surface, a collar and leash might seem simple. But over time, it can take on deeper symbolic meaning, especially if your dynamic evolves beyond casual play.

At first, it can be used for light bondage or experimenting with pet play. As you explore dominance and submission more deeply, it can become a ritual marker—putting the collar on to signal entry into submission, and removing it to transition back into everyday life.

If you attend play parties, a collar and leash can also be used to guide your partner physically, leaning into themes like ownership, objectification, humiliation, or whatever feeling you’re intentionally creating together.

As your relationship deepens, the collar may become a symbol of commitment within your D/s dynamic. At that point, you might invest in something more elaborate. Still, most people never forget their first play collar.

Collars are highly personal, so I won’t recommend a specific one here.

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Honorable Mention: A Squirt Blanket

Not technically a toy—but if you’re using some of these tools effectively, there’s likely to be a lot of… fluids.

Having a dedicated waterproof blanket makes cleanup significantly easier. Instead of dealing with soaked sheets, you can simply bundle it up after a messy session and relax comfortably on dry bedding while you enjoy aftercare.

I personally like this fleece and sherpa waterproof blanket—it’s comfortable, durable, and holds up well even in very wet scenarios.

Which Toys to Choose as a Dom

Every Dom worth their name has a toolkit—just like any skilled craftsman. These tools (or toys, depending on your preference) become an integral part of the experiences you create with your submissive.

Novice Doms often fall into the trap of becoming a “Gadget Dom,” believing the power of the dynamic lies in the gear—vibrators, ropes, paddles. But tools are meant to enhance the scene, not create it.

My recommendation? Focus on what excites you as a Dom and build your skills around that.

There are shibari masters with no interest in spanking, and spankers who couldn’t care less about the intricacies of ropework. Trying to master everything just to appeal to a wider range of submissives is a mistake. You risk becoming a “Vending Machine Dom”—a service provider rather than a true Dominant.

Once you understand what turns you on and the kind of experiences you want to create, you can begin building your toolkit with intention.

For example, if you’re interested in restraint but don’t want to dive into the knots, safety considerations, and maintenance of rope, then leather cuffs, bondage tape, or other light bondage options may be your go-to.

Or maybe you’re drawn to orgasm control and edging. In that case, a magic wand may serve you far better than a toy that requires more physical effort.

Figure out what you want from the experience—and what you want to offer your partners. Then build your toolkit around those desires.

New Toy, New You

Toys can be a powerful addition to your kinky repertoire, and these are the items I recommend starting with. Just remember: the toy doesn’t create the experience—you do.

If you find something you enjoy, go deeper. Invest in higher-quality versions from local vendors, independent toy makers, or boutique online shops. With toys, you generally get what you pay for.

In the meantime, start with a few foundational items and craft a new scene. Explore new sensations. Try something that genuinely excites you.

You’ve stepped into a world of new possibilities—now go make something of it.