Outercourse: 20+ Ways to Have Amazing Sex Beyond Penetration

What is outercourse, and can it be just as pleasurable as intercourse? Explore different types, techniques, benefits, and ways to enjoy sex without penetration.

Summary:

Outercourse is a broad term for sexual activities that don't involve penetrative intercourse, such as oral sex, mutual masturbation, dry humping, genital rubbing, and other forms of intimate touch. While some definitions exclude penetration of any kind, others include activities involving fingers, tongues, or sex toys. Outercourse can be enjoyed as foreplay or as a satisfying sexual experience on its own, offering opportunities to explore pleasure, improve communication, build intimacy, and reduce performance pressure. Although some forms of outercourse can lower the risks of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, they aren't entirely risk-free. Ultimately, outercourse encourages partners to expand their definition of sex and discover pleasurable ways to connect beyond intercourse.

When most people think of sex, they think of intercourse. Everything else—kissing, touching, grinding, oral sex—is often treated as foreplay, something you do to warm up before getting to the real action.

But who decided penetration had to be the main event?

For many women, penetration isn't even the most pleasurable part of sex. And guys, if you've ever enjoyed a great blowjob, handjob, or some enthusiastic titty fucking, you already know there's plenty of pleasure to be had without putting your cock inside someone.

That's where outercourse comes in.

Outercourse invites you to expand your definition of sex, explore new ways to experience pleasure, and enjoy your partner's entire body rather than treating penetration as the ultimate destination. Whether you're looking to spice up your sex life, work around physical limitations, or simply discover what else turns you on, there's a whole world of possibilities to explore.

Because sex becomes far more expansive (and fun) when penetration isn't the only dish on the menu.

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What Is Outercourse?

Outercourse is a catch-all term that describes sexual or erotic activities outside of penetrative intercourse, such as penis-in-vagina (PIV) or anal sex. Some may restrict the definition further to exclude penetration of any kind, including fingers and sex toys. Your personal definition of outercourse may depend on your reasons for trying it and your boundaries.

Outercourse vs. Foreplay

Outercourse can be used as foreplay, but they're not entirely the same thing.

The word "foreplay" itself implies that the activities you're engaging in precede the real main event, which, for some, is penetrative sex.

However, for others, outercourse is the main event. These forms of intimacy can be equally or even more pleasurable and fulfilling than penetrative intercourse. They don't have to be treated as inferior or less important than intercourse, or merely as something that comes before or after it. They can be enjoyed in and of themselves.

Why Engage in Outercourse?

One of the main reasons people might enjoy, prefer, or prioritize outercourse in their sex lives is that it decenters penetration as the pinnacle of sex. Outercourse can provide a framework for taking a big step back, examining what you've been consciously and unconsciously taught about sex and what's "normal," and creating your own road map for pleasure.

For women and people with a vulva, penetration often isn't even the best part of sex, as external clitoral stimulation is frequently more pleasurable—and even necessary for many to orgasm. And if penetration is desired later, spending ample time engaging in outercourse activities allows them to become warmed up, engorged with blood, and aroused so that penetration actually feels good. Without sufficient arousal, penetration is more likely to be painful.

But even for men and people with a penis, who may highly desire penetrative intercourse, outercourse can be incredibly fulfilling and sometimes even preferred. The societal myth that men are always ready to go can be harmful to the many men with responsive desire who also need time to build arousal. Outercourse can increase sexual tension for both partners by not giving you what you want right away. By the time you get to intercourse, you'll both be insatiable and practically (maybe literally!) begging for penetration.

I personally love outercourse for the variety it adds to my sex life and the buildup of anticipation for intercourse. Feeling that horny, feral desire in myself and watching it build in my partner is delicious. From a Dominance and submission perspective, it also brings a strong element of sexual objectification, where their entire body is surrendered to be used for my pleasure.

But the benefits and uses of outercourse extend well beyond simply making intercourse better. These activities can be enjoyed entirely for their own sake.

Benefits of Outercourse:

• Breaking Routine: Focus on parts of your partner's body (or your own) beyond the genitals, or explore touching them in new ways.
• Prolonging Sex: Outercourse encourages you to slow down and enjoy your own and your partner's entire body rather than going straight for intercourse, allowing the interaction and pleasurable touch to last much longer.
• Body Awareness: You might notice an increased connection with both your own body and your partner's. By taking the time to explore touch without a specific goal or an internalized path leading to penetration, you may discover things you've never paid attention to before, such as how you like to be touched, where, and in what ways.
• Better Boundaries: Exploring new ways of being touched invites you to be more explicit about what touch is wanted and unwanted. One partner may not want to be penetrated or penetrate because they don't feel ready, or due to a painful health condition, trauma, or body dysphoria.
• Communication: Outercourse provides opportunities to practice asking for what you want and learning more about your partner's likes and dislikes.
• Navigating Health Concerns: Outercourse can allow you to continue enjoying sexual intimacy while recovering from an injury, infection, or surgery, particularly those involving the genitals. For people experiencing conditions such as pelvic pain, vulvodynia, or vaginismus, it can offer ways to enjoy intimacy while remaining mindful of pain and physical limitations.
• Relieving Anxiety: Especially for those experiencing sexual performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, or premature ejaculation, outercourse can relieve some of the pressure to perform during penetration.
• Avoiding Pregnancy: If you're tracking fertility and want to avoid pregnancy on days when one partner is more likely to conceive, certain forms of outercourse can provide alternatives to penetrative intercourse.
• Forgetting Protection: Even if you've forgotten condoms or birth control, you still have plenty of other pleasurable activities to enjoy outside of intercourse. Just remember that some forms of outercourse can still carry risks of pregnancy or STI transmission.

Whatever your initial reason for exploring outercourse, you may discover just how damn fun it is and come to enjoy it for its own sake.

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How to Engage in Outercourse

Let's talk about the risks and the various forms of outercourse you can engage in.

Risks

Just because there's no penetration or intercourse doesn't mean you shouldn't give the same care and attention to consent and safety.

Every form of sex comes with some level of risk, whether it's emotional vulnerability, STI transmission, physical harm, or social consequences. If you incorporate BDSM into your outercourse activities, each of those practices comes with additional risks.

While outercourse can be a fantastic way to reduce the risk of STI transmission, it's not foolproof.

STIs can be transmitted in two primary ways:

1. Through bodily fluids, such as blood, semen, and vaginal secretions.
2. Through skin-to-skin contact.

Some STIs, such as HIV, chlamydia, and gonorrhea, are transmitted through certain bodily fluids or contact with infected mucous membranes. People practicing outercourse can still risk transmitting these STIs when engaging in sexual activities that involve exposure to infected fluids or tissues, particularly during oral sex or when sharing sex toys.

Herpes, human papillomavirus (HPV), and syphilis can spread through direct skin-to-skin contact with infected areas. Partners may therefore risk transmitting these STIs through genital-to-genital rubbing, direct contact with infected skin or sores, and other outercourse activities involving intimate skin-to-skin contact.

Types of Outercourse

There isn't really a "wrong" way to have outercourse. Your possibilities are limited only by your openness and imagination. Bring a little more curiosity to your exploration. Your guiding principle is simply to discover what feels good when one part of your body touches another.

Depending on how strict your limits and boundaries are around penetration, you may or may not include penetration with fingers, tongues, or toys in your outercourse activities. Communicate what you desire and what falls within your boundaries.

Non-Genital Focus

These activities don't focus on the genitals but can still be incredibly enjoyable when given the proper attention.

Kissing: Although it may seem tame, I believe kissing is really underrated. My advice for great kissing is to learn to feel your partner through your lips. Vary your pressure and intensity, sometimes matching your partner and other times deliberately changing things up to create variety. Remember to incorporate your hands to hold or caress their face, lightly pull their hair, or even introduce some light choking. My favorite way to make out with a partner is to have them straddle my lap. It gives me easy access to kissing their neck and chest, too.

Cuddling: Sometimes you just need to be touched, held, and connected with someone. Don't make the mistake of thinking you must have sex just to enjoy cuddling. It can be enjoyed entirely for its own sake. My favorite position is spooning my partner from behind and nuzzling my chin into the space between their head and shoulder.

Massage: Learning how to touch and explore each other's entire body, not just the genitals, can unlock a lot of pleasure for both of you. Spend time mapping your partner's body, discovering their sensitive areas and the types of touch they enjoy in each one. If you want to take it up a notch, you can try a nuru massage, where you cover the body in slippery massage gel and use your entire body to slide against your partner's.

Dry Humping

These activities typically involve rubbing or grinding your genitals against an object or your partner's body, either clothed or unclothed.

When done solo, the objects you can use are nearly limitless. Some classic examples include humping a pillow, a stuffie, the corner of a counter, or a piece of furniture.

With a partner, there are a few unique variations to explore.

Boot Humping: Particularly in BDSM scenes, the submissive may mount and rub their genitals against the Dominant's boots. Some boot harnesses have straps that allow Magic Wands, dildos, or plugs to be attached. Having the submissive naked while the Dominant remains dressed can further amplify the degrading feeling for the submissive.

Knee Humping: One partner presses their knee or thigh against the other person's genitals. This is easily done while lying down in a missionary position, but I particularly enjoy watching a partner feverishly rub her pussy against my leg while sitting on my lap and kissing me.

Using Their Clothes: Rubbing your genitals against the fabric of a partner's clothing. Pretty tame, but doing it against their underwear can create a psychological sense of naughtiness while building anticipation for actual skin-to-skin contact. Some people also have fetishes involving cum or other bodily fluids on clothing.

Using Your Hands

Your hands can be wonderful tools for pleasure, whether you're using them for full-body exploration or giving dedicated attention to your partner's genitals. Many of these activities can also be combined with Dominance and submission play, whether through edging and orgasm control or by putting your partner into a submissive position while stimulating them.

Mutual Masturbation: You can masturbate yourself while watching your partner do the same, or use your hands or a toy to stimulate their genitals while they stimulate yours. Try to find a position that's comfortable for both of you, where giving and receiving stimulation feel pleasurable. My favorite is facing each other, either standing or lying next to each other, where I can finger my partner from the front while they stroke me, all while kissing (did I mention I like kissing?). The fun part is that as you feel your partner getting more turned on, they tend to stimulate you more intensely, which turns you on even more, so you stimulate them more, and you both end up in this horny, frenzied feedback loop.

Handjobs: Using your hands to stroke the penis. There are so many techniques involving different strokes, motions, and types of touch. You can also incorporate the testicles and perineum. Spend some time asking questions and learning what your penis owner enjoys, because everyone has different preferences for tempo, firmness, and technique. If you want to give them a real treat, consider a cock worship session.

Fingering: Using your hands and fingers to stimulate the vulva. There are equally numerous ways to touch the vulva, so spend time asking questions and learning your vulva owner's likes and dislikes. Fingering may involve external clitoral stimulation or penetration of the vagina with your fingers to stimulate the G-spot, A-spot, cervix, or other sensitive areas, depending on what they enjoy. If you want to give them a treat, I recommend a yoni massage.

Anal Fingering: If you'd like to engage in anal play but don't want full anal intercourse, you can simply use your fingers. If you're new to anal play, you'll want to start slowly, use plenty of lubricant, and gradually work up to inserting a finger or other toys as comfort allows.

Using Your Mouth

Some of these activities involve penetration of the mouth or other forms of oral penetration, but they aren't traditional PIV intercourse. Whether you include them in your definition of outercourse is entirely up to you.

Cunnilingus: Using the mouth, particularly the tongue, to stimulate the vulva. Similar to fingering, take the time to learn what your partner enjoys. I've got a guide to help.

Fellatio: Using the mouth to stimulate the penis. A blowjob can come in many different flavors. Here are some guides on deepthroating, facefucking, and cockwarming. Just like with a handjob, don't forget to give some attention to the balls and perineum if your penis owner enjoys that.

Anilingus: Using the mouth, particularly the tongue, to stimulate the anus. Proper preparation and hygiene are important before engaging in this activity, as is understanding the potential risk of STI and gastrointestinal infection transmission.

Nipple Sucking: Using the mouth and tongue to stimulate the nipples. People have varying degrees of nipple sensitivity and enjoy different types of stimulation. Some may enjoy biting and painful sensations, while others may enjoy kinks involving breastfeeding, such as adult nursing relationships. Nipple stimulation can also be incorporated into other forms of outercourse.

Using Other Body Parts

If you can figure out how to rub the genitals against another body part, you've essentially found yourself another form of outercourse. Drop the judgment or shame and follow the pleasure. The following are some common forms, but really, use your imagination. The key to many of these activities is using plenty of lube, since these body parts don't produce their own lubrication.

Thigh Jobs: Also known as intercrural sex, this involves rubbing the penis between the thighs. It can also be done in the space between the thighs and vulva, which may incorporate some clitoral pressure or rubbing. It's easiest to do while standing or lying side by side, but there are plenty of other variations to explore.

Tit Jobs: Rubbing the penis between the breasts. I've got a guide with lots of helpful tips, techniques, and positions for titty fucking.

Foot Jobs: Using the feet to stimulate the penis. If you've got a foot fetish, this is the one for you. While not quite as versatile as the hands, feet can still be used in many different ways and with a variety of techniques. As always, find out what your penis owner enjoys.

Foot Humping: Rubbing the vulva against the foot. You can also use the toes to penetrate the vagina. This can be enjoyed on its own or could be incorporated into a degradation scene.

Ass Jobs: Also known as hot dogging or intergluteal sex, this involves rubbing the penis between the butt cheeks without penetration. It's easiest to perform with your partner lying on their stomach, similar to prone bone, while you straddle their cheeks.

Genital Rubbing Without Penetration

These activities involve your genitals touching, grinding, or rubbing against each other without penetration.

Pussy Jobs: Sliding the penis between the labia and against the clitoris without penetration. I like doing this in missionary to tease my partner and draw out the anticipation before penetration, usually making them beg for me to put it inside them. This can also help ensure they're really warmed up before penetration. It can be equally pleasurable to have them grind against you while on top.

Tribbing: A term used to describe rubbing the vulva against another person's body, particularly vulva-on-vulva rubbing or grinding. The most famous version of this is scissoring, where partners interlock or intertwine their legs and rub their vulvas together. However, that can be one of the most difficult ways to do it and is driven more by porn than practicality. From watching partners play during threesomes, I've found that the trick is simply exploring positions that work with each person's anatomy until you find one where you can comfortably grind against each other. If it becomes too much work, just use a Magic Wand or another vibrator against both your clits at the same time.

Frotting: Penis-to-penis rubbing. Although I've never personally engaged in it and therefore don't have any helpful tips, I'd be remiss not to mention it in this section. There's also a particular form of frotting called docking, in which the foreskin of one penis is stretched over the glans of another.

Incorporating BDSM

One of the big benefits of BDSM is that it offers such a wide palette of ways to be intimate with another person without involving intercourse at all. Instead, the focus can shift to other forms of physical stimulation, such as spanking, wax play, bondage, or sensory deprivation, with greater emphasis placed on mental and emotional stimulation through activities like roleplay or degradation.

Any of the types of play discussed in my writings can be enjoyed without sex being involved at all, or they can be combined with any of the forms of outercourse described above.

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Don't Limit Yourself to One Dish on the Menu

Look, intercourse is great. I'm certainly not going to argue otherwise. But when you treat penetration as the main event and everything else as just a warm-up, you're leaving an entire world of pleasure unexplored.

There are so many ways to experience sexual satisfaction with a partner that does not involve penetration. Some might leave you begging for intercourse, while others might be so damn good that intercourse never even crosses your mind.

And that's the beauty of outercourse. It encourages you to get curious, experiment, and discover what feels good without following some predetermined script of what sex is supposed to look like. Sometimes that means slowing down and savoring every touch. Other times, it means getting downright filthy and creative with each other's bodies.

So by all means, enjoy intercourse. Order it as often as you like. Just don't get so fixated on your favorite dish that you forget there's an entire menu of delicious options waiting to be explored.