What does submissive mean?

Submissive refers to the person in a Dom/sub relationship willingly consents to relinquish control, authority, and decision-making to their Dominant partner in a power exchange dynamic. They take on a role that is obedient, compliant, and responsive to their Dominant’s wishes and desires—within the agreed-upon boundaries of the relationship.

Submission is not people-pleasing. Being submissive means consciously choosing to give over control, influence, or authority to another person because they have the sub’s best interests at heart—and because the sub wants to serve them.

People-pleasing, or being a doormat, is different. It means serving others while disregarding your own needs, often driven by unconscious patterns, insecurity, or a desire to be liked—even when you don’t actually want to serve.

The key difference is that, in submission, your needs are actively considered and addressed (whether they are ultimately met is something negotiated between the Dom and sub). A submissive consciously chooses to be subservient, rather than allowing others to take control of their life without consent.

Common Types of Submissives

The acronym BDSM—Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism & Masochism—points to several classic submissive archetypes.

These include:

• Rope Bunny: Enjoys being tied up or restrained, whether in rope or other forms of bondage. This may be for the tactile experience or for the artistry and intricacy of rope as an art form, such as shibari. Rope bunnies often pair with riggers (the person tying them).
• Brats: Subscribe to the idea that rules are meant to be broken. They take pleasure in being defiant, mischievous, naughty, and cheeky. Brats often crave attention and may misbehave intentionally to get it, leaving it to the Brat Tamer to uncover and address the deeper need beneath the behavior.
• Service Submissive: Finds pleasure in performing acts of service for their Dominant. They derive joy from offering practical assistance, anticipating needs, and expressing care and devotion. They pair well with Dominants who create structure and opportunities for service.
• Littles / Middles / Babygirls: Crave nurturing, guidance, and structure. While some may engage in ageplay, age regression is not always present. These submissives often pair with Caregivers or Daddy/Mommy Doms. (It’s important to clarify that these dynamics occur between consenting adults and never involve minors.)
• Slaves: Consensually agree to give complete or near-complete control to their partner in agreed-upon areas of life, often within a Total Power Exchange dynamic. They may be treated as property within negotiated boundaries. Masters pair with slaves.
• Pets: Take on the role or headspace of an animal—such as a kitten or puppy—while the Dominant acts as their owner or handler.
• Masochists: Find genuine pleasure in pain, deriving erotic or emotional satisfaction from intense sensations others would consider painful or “bad.” This can include physical pain (impact play, needle play) or emotional pain (humiliation). They often pair with sadists.
• Finsubs: Sometimes called paypigs or human ATMs, they center their submission around financial servitude, following rules or commands related to money and access to resources.
• Pleasure Subs: Revel in being directed in how to give or receive pleasure. They often pair with Pleasure Doms who take control over when, where, and how pleasure happens.
• Primal Prey: Enjoy roughness, physical control, and being “hunted”—emotionally or physically. They often tap into instinctual, animalistic states during play, allowing the rational mind to turn off during primal play.
• Degradees: Take pleasure in emotional belittlement through humiliation, degradation, objectification, or being made to feel less than human.

These archetypes are simply starting points. The landscape of BDSM is vast, and you are free to mix and match elements to create a dynamic that is uniquely yours. In fact, I encourage it—this is where things become deeply personal and powerful.

A Sub vs. a Bottom

A bottom is someone who has the skills to receive specific acts. A submissive, on the other hand, represents the why—the intention and meaning behind those acts. Of course, if you’re engaging in BDSM, it’s important to develop the skills of a bottom alongside your identity as a submissive.

A good bottom has a solid understanding of BDSM principles, techniques, and safety practices. They continually educate themselves to ensure safe, enjoyable experiences for both partners—and to advocate for themselves during negotiation.

A bottom is not necessarily a “submissive” archetype. While they may receive kinky acts similar to a submissive within a scene, they don’t have to engage in power exchange or fulfill the duties typically associated with Dom/sub dynamics.

Learning to advocate for yourself and stay safe as a bottom is an excellent place to start if you’re interested in becoming a submissive. And if you decide you’d rather not hand over authority to someone else, you can remain a bottom and still have a deeply fulfilling experience.